– “Children, from a reliable source, I obtained very high level confidential information. This confinement will last longer than expected.
– Oh, goal how long, Papuan?
– Probably several months, if not a few years. We have to prepare to survive.
– Oh Papou, this is horrible. Please please, tell us what we need to do. “
Survivalism explained to my children
At this point in the story, I must point out to my friendly readership that I have been imposing demanding bilingualism on my children since the start of confinement, in order to prepare them for ultra-liberal globalization.
– Goal Papuan, we are almost major!
– It's a detail. You have two hours. Feed your mind; then we will go on to practical work. ”
Once their knowledge has been acquired, we draw up our bilingual certificates and head towards the fertile forest where they must learn to manage in all circumstances.
– “Here we are in a fertile forest, children. From now on, all your senses must be on the alert. To begin with, what could we find there to sustain us?
– Good answer, but … it's not the mushroom season.
– Well if, Dad, we saw them at the Passy market! ”
This pre-exodus memory of my younger brother provokes the frank laughter of our little troop. We laugh in our masks.
Berries are offered to our delicacy
At the edge of the woods we already have delicious berries. My children, in their naive enthusiasm, rush. Once sated, I explain to them that these are the fruits ofHedera helix, in other words ivy, and they are poisoned.
“You will be quit for a few days of diarrhea, vomiting, cramps and other disorders. Let this lesson serve you as a lesson! ”
We all laugh heartily.
It is also time to focus on edible roots. Fortunately, we took our balcony gardening kit with us. Nature and Discoveries – in war as in war!
We energetically scrape the ground, inhale the humus, happily throwing dead leaves. Soon my children will enjoy the tubers of conopods, in other words, ground hazelnuts.
“Oh sorry, Papuan! We finished everything because it was so tasty. You have nothing left. Forgive us! ”
In botany, confusion is frequent and very excusable
– “Children, I forgive you all the more willingly since you have confused the Conopodium majus with the Conium maculatum, in other words the big hemlock, which is a deadly plant. It contains “at least five alkaloids violently toxic, mainly with conine (…). The other four alkaloids are methyl-ethyl-coniine, pseudoconhydrin, conhydrin and piperidine ”.
– Sapristi! We are really dizzy!
– Indeed. However, the confusion is excusable. Bah! You will be quit for some “digestive disorders, dizziness and headache, then paraesthesia, a decrease in muscle strength, and finally an ascending paralysis ”. You may not survive it. Remember this lesson!
– You see us sorry to cause you so much hassle, replied these innocent beings, looking contrite. Forgive us, Papuan. “
Friendly meeting with a meat producer
Faced with their sheepish faces, I immediately reassured them. The experience is a beacon that … Suddenly, a Sus scrofa caught our eye. It seemed edible, but caution was required.
– “Dear children, could you feed from this Sus scrofa safe?
– Probably, because it doesn't look like an ivy berry at all big hemlock, they exclaimed in chorus.
– Think again. what is a Sus scrofa? “
Provided with his Gaffiot and the supplement “Confinement 2020” by the French Hunter, my eldest daughter dares:
– “Would it not be a boar? In other words, animal year not vegetable?
– Indeed, dear child. You got it right. This boar is a meat-producing mammal. ”
My kids are vegans. Ugh, corpse meat, what a horror, ugh, we don’t eat that bread. But between poisonous berries and tubers and equal boars, hunger awaits them. They suddenly realize that their future life will be strewn with pitfalls. Seeing their sorry faces, I reassure them.
– “We will get closer to this Sus scrofa and ask him to share with us his supply of acorns. These animals are fond of it. His friendship will be precious to us, because “the acorns provide in particular carbohydrates (50% to 60%), proteins (7% to 8%), lipids (30%); they are also rich in calcium (43 mg / 100 g), phosphorus (314 mg / 100 g), potassium (712 mg / 100 g), vitamin B2 (0.4 mg / 100 g), PP (0.5 mg / 100 g) and have a low glycemic index. This fruit is also very nutritious, since at equal weight, it is twice as high in calories as the chestnut, 500 calories per 100 g ”.
– Oh, Papuan. Could it be that this non-plant animal also has tofu reserves to share with us? ”
As we started to envision a delicious acorn pie, the Sus scrofa charged. Consequently, it seemed useless to offer to him to share fraternally our spelled milk. We quickly turned back. These animal brothers were decidedly unpredictable.
We took refuge in the branches of a Quercus robur. Alas! Flowering was just beginning. We should probably wait a few months for the acorns before we can harvest them. Never mind: this confinement was gone to last.
“Hey friend Sus scrofa! We also have soy-blueberry yogurts, you know? ”
On the neighboring branch, my children are cold and start to vomit. We look at each other bravely. There will be a before and after this confinement.