Here are four attitudes symptomatic of poor emotional management. If you recognize yourself, practice thesemon sense exercises. Some learn self-control, others let go. An essential toolbox for all hypersensitive!
You are inhibited
At your father's funeral, you were deeply sad but you did not even shed a tear. Can't let you go. Your loved ones and even members of your family consider you to be an indifferent, jaded, selfish, insensitive being… As a result, your relationships with those around you are stable butpletely devoid of affectivity.
Your handicap: you practice the retention of emotions, you take it upon yourself to express neither anger, nor sorrow, nor joy, nor fear … But behind this mask hides a hyperemotif which protects itself.
The solutions : Olivier Nunge and Simonne Mortera (“Managing your emotions”, Jouvence) and Thierry M. Carabin (“How to dominate your emotions”, De Vecchi) explain how to let go and reconnect with your emotions.
1. Remember to favor gestures over words
Words are important, but 90% of emotional messages go through the expression of the face and body … A smile, a movement of retreat, a shrug says more than a long speech … When you can't cry, taking those you love in your arms helps to let go.
2. Accepting your own internal movements
When a child is afraid of the wolf, there is no point in telling him that there are no more wolves in our forests. The right attitude is to ask him, “What can I do to reassure you?” There is no shame in experiencing grief. Emotions are not dangers but friends.
3. Write a diary
Putting your emotional experiences, preferences, tensions, desires into words is vital. The diary is good training. It’s like a loved one, a confidant… Indeed, the narrative expression brings back to life “emotion” at a minimum and allows mental elaboration. Your friendly relationships will be enriched.
4. Develop your creativity
Everyone can reconnect with their feelings and affects by practicing an artistic activity. Theater, painting, dance, music, song, body expression. You just have to choose the one that appeals to you the most.
The stage fright paralyzes you
You had prepared this job interview carefully because the issue was important. And yet, faced with the recruiter, you lose all your means! Memory holes, tremors, redness, sweating, stuttering, hesitation, lump in the throat, panic, paralysis, no more a sensible word leaves your mouth. Totally numb with stage fright, you think of nothing but the panic that overwhelms you. Result: you are not selected.
Besides, you react the same way when you take an exam or when you have your first romantic date …
Your handicap: the higher the stakes, the more you panic. You are so afraid of failing that your internal disaster scenarios lead the way and make you lose all your means. The solutions: Viviane Dubos (“Emotions”, ESF) explains how to “re-control” her emotions and ovee her blockages.
1. Systematically look for what negative experiencees to the surface at the time of a panic attack.
Doesn't the man who makes you lose your temper look like your sadistic math teacher, so severe that you tremble every time he sends you to the board? Each stressful situation presents refers to a situation already experienced in the past, often during the first six years of life, and not resolved psychically. The old repressed feelings are then reactivated.
2. Learn to breathe
It only takes a few minutes of concentration to install a regular and deep breathing rhythm. Extend the exhalations and shorten the inspirations to neutralize your internal sensations.
3. Use the anchoring technique
With each increase in stress, visualize an experience of past success that will revive the pleasure and self-confidence associated with it. Remember the day when you brilliantly supported your oral and subdued the examiners … Positive anchoring helps to fight against self-esteem and the anticipation of a catastrophic scenario.
4. Prepare before the test
Consider all possible hypotheses, imagine predictable and trick questions, define your interests, work on your CV. This will allow you to better control the emotional impact.
5. Look at your interlocutor just between the two eyes by fixing an invisible point
He will believe that you support his gaze with confidence, you will be able to concentrate on what you say without extrapolating on what you read in his eyes …
You are milk soup
Morning traffic jams, delays,plications, unsuccessful meetings, canceled projects, a host of mini-annoyances have annoyed you a lot today. Back at home, once again, once too often, your partner wees you rather coolly: “The children are waiting for you to read a story to them.” So you explode, you howl, you gesture … A slap leaves, she bursts into tears and leaves, slamming the door. It's drama! And you wonder how two civilized and loving adults can get there…
Your handicap: you lack self-control and you let yourself be overwhelmed by your aggressiveness. The solutions: Olivier Nunge and Simonne Mortera (“Managing your emotions”, Youth) explain how to control yourself and manage a conflict.
1. Avoid the “stamp collection”
The more one accumulates the successive little angers and resentments, the more one risks the clash and the famous drop of water which makes the vase overflow. If you had told everyone who thwarted you during the day that they were exaggerating, you would have avoided a rage of disproportionate violence falling on an “innocent victim”, in this case your spouse. Anger is not prohibited! On the contrary. Provided you do it with the right person, at the right time, for the right reasons and at the right dose!
2. Clearly state how you feel
Naming your suffering or your anger instead of accusing the other allows real exchanges and real solutions. For example, say: “I had big problems in the office, I'm on edge andpletely exhausted.”
3. Take “cortico-thalamic breaks”
It consists in delaying your reactions to give the brain time, on the reason side, to take control of the situation. Open the plexus with a deep breath, hold the air for two seconds, exhale and wait two seconds before inhaling again. Close your eyes two to three seconds from time to time as cutting the image relieves pressure. If this does not pass, continue with a cardiac coherence exercise.
To defuse an argument, the XYZ method invented by psychologist Haim Ginott, father of effectivemunication, works wonders. Say: “When you did X, I felt Y and I would have preferred you to do Z.” For example: “When you told me that I came home too late, I felt guilty for to be a bad father. I would have preferred that you take me in your arms and that youfort me instead of sinking me. ”
5. Reach a pole
Before reacting aggressively, ask the other, “What's wrong?” Or suggest an armistice: “I'm getting angry, let's take a break.”
You are hypersensitive
Your dinner with friends went wonderfully, guaranteed to be a laughing atmosphere, until Marion leaned towards you and whispered in your ear: “By the way, I met Ludovic at the Thibault home. He was with his newpanion , a tall, distinguished blonde. Pretty sympathetic … Do you know her? “You answer with a forced smile a wave:” Not at all. “But here you are, bitten. This harmless remark which, you are sure, contains treacherous allusions to your situation has directly tickled yourplexes. “You, my poor darling, you have no one in your life right now,” probably wanted to remind you of your neighbor at the table. “It's normal, you are small, dark, not at all distinguished and frankly stuck …” As long as your old friend Michel tells you affectionately that you look tired and that you should consider taking a vacation and that is hallali. You feel old, without charm and totally depressed. The evening that had started so well is ruined and you return home with tears in your eyes. “Hell is other people!” Harass yourself.
Your handicap: hyperreactivity to others, epidermal sensitivity to remarks, criticisms andpliments.
The solutions : Albert Ellis and Arthur Lange (“Master your emotions”, Marabout) explain how to restore harmoniousmunication with others.
1. Learn to “center”
Caring too much about what others think of you is dangerous self-centeredness. This keeps you in a situation of dependence and allows your colleagues, bosses, spouses, children, neighbors, friends to manipulate you as they please. Better to use your natural empathy skills and practice putting yourself in the other person's shoes. What does he think? What does he experience? How does he feel ? This change of perspective makes it possible to thwart the projective mechanisms often at work in human relationships and to avoid misunderstandings.
2. Stop believing that by accepting everything from others, they will love us more
On the contrary, it is sometimes better to take the risk of displeasing or disturbing. To be appreciated by everyone, anyway, is impossible. Antipathies, rivalries, ipatibilities of humor exist. The more we are aware of it, the more we accept it and the less we let ourselves be confused by others.
3. Identify the “clicks”, that is to say the words that systematically trigger excessive reactions in us.
List your weaknesses in writing. This lucidity allows you to disconnect and not let yourself be invaded by negative emotions.
4. Avoid catastrophic thoughts like: “Sure, I will be alone all my life.” They parasitize the mind and make everything look pessimistically.
5. Avoid absolutist thoughts like: “I must at all costs have a child before 35 years.” Intimating orders and projecting yourself towards what should be, constitutes a permanent self-criticism very guilty and maintains your anxiety.
Therapies to Help You
Each in their own way, they make it possible to make peace with our emotions.
Some therapies aim to recall buried, repressed emotions, and go back to the origin of dysfunctions:
– Psychoanalysis and analytical psychotherapies thus offer an exploration of its history.
– Directed waking dream, hypnosis or rebirth offer the possibility of reliving the traumatic events of birth or childhood.
Others are working on the present:
– Transactional analysis explores the four basic emotions: fear, anger, sadness and joy, and decrypts emotional racketeering and relational manipulations.
– Behavioral therapies start from the principle that emotional behaviors are the results of conditioning. Goal: eliminate inappropriate behaviors and reinforce those that are satisfactory without acting on their root causes.
– NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming) identifies the emotional “programming” at the origin of our behaviors and modifies them to optimize them.
– In bioenergy, the work focuses on the body: postures, tensions, facial expressions, physiognomy, way of moving, etc. to be aware of the “character armor” that inhibits us.
– The emotional anonymous are twelve-step discussion groups to help those who “admitted to being helpless in the face of their emotions”.
– Finally, positive visualization aims to act on the future: it helps to face each stressful or emotionally charged situation by anticipating its favorable oue.
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Are you worried about moving, are you afraid of the slightest argument and do you like to cry in the cinema? You may be an “emotional cozy”. A psychological profile highlighted by the neuropsychiatrist Boris Cyrulnik in his book Of flesh and soul. He helped us carry out this test to find out if you are one of these hypersensitive people in life.