MILAN – Spring, the season of love par excellence, has already officially started for a month now and in these days of lockdown the time to rethink one's sentimental situations was certainly not lacking. There are those who have had the privilege of being able to live and share this particular period with their loved one, those who have been able to consolidate their relationship (sometimes even by fighting) and those who, as a single person, have started looking or thinking at least virtually to your soul mate.
But how has that famous feeling that has continued to be the undisputed protagonist of our lives for thousands of books, poems, stories, films, dramas, songs? Changed today, at the time of the smartphone? And above all: is there still courtship, albeit to the sound of likes and virtual hearts?
The e-Love planet
Wiko – a telephone brand that speaks for “democratic luxury” – has explored the planet e-Love together with the love coaches of coppiaperfetta.it, a dating site and blog for lonely hearts, but also for couples who want to perfect or give new life to the their relationship, and a practical guide to courtship 4.0.
According to ISTAT data in 2018, 195,778 marriages were celebrated in Italy – about 4,500 more than the previous year (+ 2.3%), with an average age of spouses around 33.7 years for men and 31.5 for brides (1.6 and 2.1 years older than 2008 respectively) – and 2,808 civil partnerships. Despite this, Italy remains a country of “singles” and the favorite companion of the Italians remains the smartphone, since 75.7% have one (as confirmed by the latest report published by Censis). But no rivalry in love, it's quite a new e-Cupid.
“In the digital age, the virtual environment is only one of the different ways of meeting, but to transform itself into a real love relationship, the new partner will have to pass the test of the five senses, he explains Claudia Mazzoleni, creator of the Love Coach online Coppiaperfetta.it. The phone, which now has more and more functions, is that wonderful technological tool that we have at our disposal to communicate with the rest of the world, including potential new partners. The smartphone, if used in the right way, exponentially expands our chances of meeting our soul mate ».
Despite the times, the supports for courtship and love messages have changed and it is no longer a taboo to get to know and fall in love online, there is still a “courtship etiquette” that must be respected and also concerns already consolidated loves.
The “courtship etiquette”
Do you want to test yourself? Courage, here are the tips, ready to use, from Wiko and coppiaperfetta.it:
- Follow the person you are interested in on social networks, put likes and smilies to show your interest in what he does and what he likes, but don't get lost in the crowd of followers. Send him a private message with a comment designed just for him / her. Or maybe rediscover the charm of an SMS. First study the subject, get thoroughly documented, then write a short text and wait at least a quarter of an hour, if necessary even a few hours. Reread it and, if it seems appropriate, correct it and modify it. Don't be in a hurry to communicate your thoughts. Breathe and take all the time you need. Only when you are sure of what you have written, send. But remember: do not make the mistake of canceling a sent message, you would immediately send a signal of insecurity!
- Voice messages? Yes, they are so fashionable because they avoid the commitment and boredom of writing. Boredom, in fact … But identify yourself with those who must listen to them (and have mercy)! You certainly don't want to give the impression of not paying the right attention to him? Tip: for affairs of the heart, avoid vocal notes, also applies to couples who are already consolidated.
- Don't complain and don't tell him your latest love story that ended badly: is not your psychologist or your best friend! Passwords: lightness and irony (at least in a first cognitive phase).
- Have you seen your message and are not responding? Don't get caught up in anxiety or shyness. Unless you are an actor or a director, avoid imagining film, yellow, apocalyptic or fantasy scenarios. Think about what you would like to say to him, gracefully but without hesitation, choose a moment that seems appropriate, maybe avoid dinner time or working time. Then take your smartphone, look for his name in the address book, look in the mirror, smile: it will make you feel more self-confident. Now call it. After all, the phone was not invented for this? If interested, it will be like having him by your side. If it takes time, you will still be proud of yourself and your courage.
- Have you broken the ice and with the messages is going great? Before moving on to the five senses test, upgrade your possible relationship by moving to a still virtual environment (preferable, even given the time): make a video call. Choose the right context, you will not want to show him the mess of your desk or a pile of dirty dishes to wash! There is time to let him discover your dark side, now is the time to give your best. You must not be too rigid and above all, avoid showing the gestures you make when you are anxious or embarrassed, such as touching your head or scratching your nose. If you need it, do your hearing first by talking to yourself in front of the mirror.
- Love is a plant to be cultivated day after day. Of course, the routine sometimes extinguishes or weakens the flame of the first moment – and for this very reason – it is important to remember to woo each day by cutting out time all for you. It takes very little: a nice message a day, a little attention and an extra “How are you”.
Surely the chances of finding the perfect match online are endless, but every now and then remember to raise your head from your smartphone. Look around, because maybe your better half might already be “next” to you! Besides, lightning strikes still exist, right?